who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
