I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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