you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
