We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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