he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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