I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize