That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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