Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
