maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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