how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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