Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
