I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
