I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
