Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
