oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
