I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
