do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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