we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
