No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize