if you like me you must not know who I am
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
