Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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