Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
