You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
