I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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