Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
