just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
