Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize