as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
