dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
