My balls are so social today.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
