Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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