I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
