Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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