no you cant smoke seaweed
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
