I think i peed on brittanys purse
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
