I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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