you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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