Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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