he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
