she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
