Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need moral support for this bender
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The adults are the big ones right?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
