Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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