I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
