I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
