We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
