Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
