your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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