I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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