I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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