He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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