I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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