Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
