I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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