i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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