So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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