so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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