you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
