take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
