He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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