just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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