Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
