Midget sex pt 2 tonight
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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