His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
