I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
