so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
