Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
