This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
