he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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