I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
