So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
