I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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