They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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